Adapting to retirement: A gender issue?

The association of men with the public sphere and women with the private sphere has long since ceased to make sense. The price of life today forces us all to work almost equally. It is true, however, that, in general terms, women are still more often than men involved in managing the domestic sphere, with some honourable exceptions. This gender inequality in reconciling working life with the organisation of the home and care had to have something good for us: the road to retirement and its experience once it arrives is less traumatic for women. Men are often forced to reinvent themselves and to collaborate in tasks that were previously dedicated to women. Women, on the other hand, can continue to play the role they played before, adapting and even benefiting from the gain in time. Ladies, retirement is the time to do all the things you didn't have time for!

This is the message conveyed by Marga, a 65-year-old woman who opted for early retirement at the age of 64 to allow someone who was entering the world of work the opportunity to take her place and thus also have more time to devote to herself. Working too much is not always beneficial to health; she knows this because she has been responsible for occupational risk prevention all her life. The reconciliation for years of working outside the home, which occupied her mornings, with doing household chores in the afternoons, has made her very aware of the advantages that retirement can bring. 

Before taking this important and thoughtful step, Marga had almost no time left. After an eight-hour day and as much time spent getting the house ready and preparing for the next day, she had little time left to go to the swimming pool at night and rest before starting again. Boredom? What's that? Now she is not bored either. After retiring she took the opportunity to do things that she "had to do": visit the family who lived far away, travel... she felt very lucky to be able to do what she wanted and spend all the time in the world "without having to give explanations to anyone". Once she was faced with the organization of a new routine beyond the domestic one, she enrolled in the senior university and in several training courses. All of this, in principle, seems to be something that is accessible to both sexes.   

Staying entertained has been the key to avoiding the abruptness of the life change. And this, in turn, has had an impact on their mental and physical well-being. During her active years, Marga had problems with hypertension which subsided to some extent after retirement - or at least she does not notice them as much now as before. With more free time, she can go swimming more often and that helps her a lot. And you have complete freedom to choose your own schedule - it's all advantages! Well, not everything. On the other hand, you are more bothered by your joints lately, but this is probably due to the lack of activity due to mobility restrictions caused by the COVID-19. 

For Marga "the only bad thing about retiring is that you are already aware that you have entered the last stage, in old age". It is true, "retiring is not a holiday, it is a new stage" that marks the end of life. But being a woman, she notes, smoothes out the process of acceptance. "We are closing stages definitively," she tells us; it is something that is difficult, "but we get used to it throughout our lives. "First you're young, then you start a family, then come the children, and this period ends with the menopause, which forces us to go through the drink of leaving behind the idea of being a mother forever. After this, the stage of being active in the workplace is another one that closes without further ado". Marga does not deny that thinking about retirement "makes you dizzy, especially when you are happy with your job". Some colleagues warned her that when she stopped working she would "suddenly get old". She did not see it that way: "you get old over the years, not because you retire". So, she slammed the door on that phase of her life to welcome the one she was touching, filling her time with endless activities. 

Marga easily found entertainment offers available for retirees. She alone was responsible for searching the web for programmes for the elderly developed by both public and private institutions. In her situation, she found an infinite niche of possibilities through the initiatives of banks, completely free and without the need to open an account with any entity! During this time she has dared to take up painting, film and even archaeology workshops. Other local bodies such as the town halls near his place of residence also offered activities for the elderly, but these seemed to him to be much less interesting. In addition, he stresses, "there are very few places and to get your hands on what you like is very difficult". The fact that the banks have to be the ones to take care of the elderly certainly gives you pause for thought... but the truth is that here gender has nothing to do with accessing these offers, unlike what Andrés thought. 

However, Marga never received any information about these offers from one side or the other. If she had been a less curious person with a defeatist attitude towards the free time resulting from retirement, like Agustín, she would probably never have embarked on such projects. At most, his window on the world of leisure for the elderly was the internet, a possibility not available to everyone. This is a constant in all the interviews conducted so far, that is, the lack of a system of advertising and access to entertainment programmes designed for retired people. The other is the question of institutionalisation. 

Marga is willing to adapt to everything except life in a retirement home. The experience she has had with family members leads her to prefer "death to internment". As I interview older people, I find this expression less and less shocking. The constant rejection of those I have spoken to in this type of institution denotes a problem. Something is not being done right. Something is missing, or perhaps we are not paying enough attention to it. It is not only the fear of boredom - which for Marga becomes a real problem when you become dependent on others -; it is the association of the residence with the hospital, with illness, with abandonment by others and oneself. The elderly do not trust the ability of the homes to promote dignified ageing free of boredom. Some "barely pay attention to the physical well-being of the elderly, much less to whether they are bored". 

At this point it doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman, whether you are educated or not, whether your attitude to retirement has been good or bad. It is difficult to explain to the interviewees, whatever their situation, that in other parts of the world the elderly, being in full use of their faculties, voluntarily decide to move to a retirement home in order to be more active, entertained and accompanied. So far, nobody believes this. 

Marga believes that one of the main problems in Spain is that the caretakers of the residences are not sufficiently qualified and motivated to put themselves in the shoes of the elderly in their care. Of course, they have not received the training of The Eden Alternative on the cultural change that is taking place in gerontology and geriatrics. And this is basically because something like this has not yet taken hold in our country... but everything will work out. 

For the moment, we are content to think that, if Marga is right, as women, we will have it a little easier when it comes to dealing with old age; at least "as long as health allows". Now, gentlemen, let yourselves be seduced by the delights of domestic life: you will help to build a more egalitarian society and, moreover, you will prevent the shock of retirement.