Social change: the evolution in the marital status of older people

Very little is said about the marital status of older people, assuming that beyond the age of 65, people are married or widowed, thus denying other marital status. This is tantamount to assuming a certain personal immobility, concealing processes of social change that may affect marital unions (or dissolutions) in this age group.

Such an assumption would be part of a certain idealization (again, the aforementioned stereotypes) of behaviour in old age. It is also about relationships, but above all, it is a way of rejecting the existence of physical-affective relationships at certain ages. It is assumed that, at an age, nothing "moves" us, nothing affects us personally beyond our role as parents and grandparents. Much less at the level of couple.

In this case, the idealization lies in that ideal of romantic love that permeates our society and that seems to justify the continuity of relationships that saw better times than they will see. Somehow it is as if, since we feel so swindled by the divorce of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, at least the man of the fifth, who turned 70 some time ago, had to continue together to justify this idealization of how relationships were in the past. When I read or hear these idealized comments (such as "now things are thrown away, before they were fixed"), I can't help remembering one of my interviewees, who pointed out to me that her married life had been far from that ideal image. Basically and, in other words, what this lady summarizes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE9AqCIy6vs

But I insist, it supposes a way of denying the necessities during the old age, of assuming this stage as a raft of oil at emotional level in which the desires and certain emotions disappear, so much negative as positive. And, above all, it is tantamount to denying that it is a stage in which decisions about the future can and continue to be made.

This vision of old age is presented externally (from outside the age range) and, if we think about it in detail, implies great emotional pressure on older people. As if they escaped disappointment or had no capacity to redirect their vital decisions when they reach a certain age. It also contributes to generate static ideas of how to live old age, as well as to deny processes of social change that go beyond the use of the mobile. So today we are going to talk about the marital status of older people and the increase in marital dissolutions.

When I thought about writing this post, which in the beginning, was going to be more descriptive, I remembered a friend, tremendously affected by the divorce of his grandparents. The announcement of the divorce was a crisis within the family, although the children and even the grandchildren were more than grown up. Somehow, the children and grandchildren had interpreted separation as a kind of family betrayal and pressured in different ways to avoid it. In other words, all family members considered themselves legitimate to give their opinion and complain about the decision-making of two adults who wished to separate. The feelings and desires of the two people forming the marriage were set aside precisely (or mainly) because of their age. The arguments that the family used were based on age, assuming old age as if it were "a while" more and not a stage that deserves to be lived. Some of the arguments used were "for what they have left, why are they going to separate". Other motives were even more selfish "to see what we do on Christmas Day" or orbit around the idea of care, potential loneliness and how this would affect children. That is to say, the decision was valued according to how other members of the family would be affected, not the people who were the protagonists of the separation. Do children and grandchildren have the right to decide on the decisions of their parents or grandparents? Can our families decide on our sentimental options? And we on theirs?

In addition to this more personal dimension, we should ask ourselves whether the idea of heterogeneity with respect to marital status is true and whether there is evidence of social change between the marital status of older people.

The data indicate that the presence of separations and divorces in old age is very low, but we can observe a clear increase in the percentage. The photo shows that social change and marital instability is also reflected in old age.

Marital status of persons aged 65 and over (%). Spain, 1970, 1981, 1991, 2001 and 2011

In short, from 1970 to 2011 the distribution of the profile of older Spaniards in terms of marital status has been changing, decreasing the percentage of singles and widowers in favour of married and, to a lesser extent, separated.

What these data show is mainly an improvement in mortality rates, especially for males, which would explain a decrease in widowhood. At the national level, the two most frequent categories among older adults are married status (60.45%) followed by widowhood (28.95%). The situations of singleness (7.43%) and divorce or separation (3.18%) are minority, with divorce -1.95% being somewhat higher than separation. It is true that 3.18% is a small rate, but what is interesting is that the trend shows that there is this a social change, which despite the strong socialization pro-marriage (especially among women), the difficulties in getting divorced (both at the legal level and at the social level, including as we have seen, the family dimension) older people continue to make decisions about their marital status, and leading changes in their lives.

These reflections come from some phrases that I have read, such as the one quoted above "before things were fixed, now they are thrown away", referring to relationships, trivializing not only the ruptures in general (as if they were something simple) but also leaving aside the strong socialization against divorce and pro-marriage in which those who are now over 65 years old grew up. I referred to something in this article (http://revistas.uned.es/index.php/Tendencias/article/view/23588) about this orientation to marriage and the nuclear family. Nor can we forget that divorce is still a taboo subject in certain environments, and until very recently was assumed as a personal failure. The normative dimension has also not facilitated the dissolution of marriage: the first law of divorce was in 1932, disappeared with the Franco regime and was not taken up again until 1981 (Law 30/1981 of July 7). Even then, it caused a great stir (the law was approved by 162 votes in favor against 128 and 7 blank votes) and it was not easy to get a divorce.

Without a doubt, the increase in the number of divorced people among the elderly has to do with the existence of the law itself and greater legal facilities, with the decrease in social pressures and even with the entry of younger generations into the old age group, who probably starred in their dissolution of marriage before turning 65.

I am not saying that there is a pro-divorce movement in old age. The percentage, as we have seen, is very low. But I think it is important to reflect on this question because of what it implies from the point of view of social change and how it is also reflected in old age. If brangelina ceased to exist, the lords of the fifth are also masters of their future and of how they want to live it.